Tag Archives: love

There is no such thing as destiny….

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There is no such thing as destiny.

Life really is what you make it.

Truthbomb #409

In life, you must learn to love  yourself as much as you love others.                                                                         

I literally have this conversation about 100 times a week. As an assistant principal, I talk to young adults on a daily basis. Most conversations revolve around the fact that a bad judgement occurred….gossip, cheating, disrespect, fighting, etc. The root of ALL the conversations is….what are YOU doing that is right? Are YOU making smart choices? Most of the times they realize that they are in deed making bad choices. I always end the conversation with, “you are not a bad kid, you are just making bad choices. I love you and start making wise choices.” I usually get an “OK Mrs.” or “I’ll do better”. It’s the days when I get an “I love you too Mrs.” or a “thank you” and a hug….those are the days that I know I have made a difference.

Looking at my own life and reflecting, I don’t always make the right choices. I try to take my own advice. I really don’t believe in destiny, I do believe that I am responsible for my actions and the repercussions of what I do. Albeit macabre, I often think about what do I want said at my funeral. I, of course  want to be known as a good wife and mom, but more importantly, I want to be known as someone who made a difference in the lives I encountered. I do my best to treat people like I want to be treated. I raise my children with the idea of being good. I believe in karma. I know that some of the choices I have made will come back and bite me. I have to accept that and try to do better. Love is in my heart. I show it to many people in different ways. Offering help when one needs it, listening to a friend, being kind when others are not, accepting of those that are different.

Buddha said, “However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do if you do not act upon them?” Don’t just talk a big game….act it out. How do you act it out in your life?

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flowers…

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Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration. 

I came across this quote and it rings so true to me.

 

It happens so fast. Without proper care…or with over caring, flowers wilt. They just do. Something so beautiful can go away so quickly. Maybe it was their time…or maybe with more care they will return. It is out of your hands. Sit back and enjoy the beauty of flowers while they are in full blossom.

 

It’s so easy for them

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excuse the blurryness…they wouldn’t hold still for a moment!!

 

My heart swells with pride watching my children enjoy life. I hope to be a student of them as much as they are a student of me.

My daughter says hello to every one that passes by…everyone. It doesn’t matter if we are on foot or in a car. She is waving and saying hello. I absolutely love and admire her unconditional acceptance of people. As adults, I wish we all had more of that. It seems that our environment and experiences make us hesitant to embrace those who are different. I want that back!!!

My son…he can enter a new environment, be it a soccer field, school classroom or a mall playground and make instant friends. His imagination is limitless. He and a boy he met at the playground last night played for a solid 30 minutes and their imagination was incredible. They didn’t care who was around or who overheard their elaborate scheme. They just played. I want that back!!!

I love spending time with my kids and understanding that they can teach me sometimes more than I can teach them….at just at the right time.

I am better off without you

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I am not at all saying that there is nothing positive in my life. I am surrounded by it.  However, I am also exhausted with the negative parts in my life. Negative actions, negative words, and negative attitudes (mine definitely included). Therefore, I am on a quest to banish them forever.  Negativity….I am better off without you!

My sense of self will be the hardest to conquer. I have a great facade going on. I pretend that I am content with myself, but that would be an injustice. That would allude to the fact that I am done growing (physically, spiritually, and emotionally). There is always room for improvement and growth.

The negative, judgmental part of my being has to go away also. I try to be very unbiased and non-judgmental, however, human nature and inherent sin make it so easy. This is a part that needs constant attention.

Another difficulty will be people’s perception of the new real me I am so desperately needing to find. My activities will change. My outlook on myself and others will change and my perception of the world will change. I am hoping and praying that this will all be viewed as positive, however, there is no one that I need approval from except God and myself.

So…here’s to a new ME….better lifestyle, healthier living, positive attitude, non-judgmental and happier. If you see me and I am not doing this…call me out nicely. Accountability in numbers.

love peace happiness

~Namaste

Stop…

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Stop…breathe…take notice of all that is around you. You are surrounded by beautiful moments.

Look at the beauty that is in the smallest thing. The colors of the sky as the sun makes its way into the horizon. The blooms that are appearing in the trees. The toothy grin of a child.

Listen to your surroundings. The wind whipping through the yard. The sounds of children playing. The lyrics of the perfect song played at the perfect moment. The sound of “I love you” by someone who truly means it.

Feel the warmth of the sun as you talk a much needed walk. The tight embrace of a dear friend. The cool side of the pillow when you turn it over at just the right moment.

Taste the coolness of an iced tea on a hot day. The saltiness of tears streaming down your face. The boldness of a glass of merlot after a long day.

Smell of  freshly baked goodies. The smell of campfire. The smell of rain. The smell of a freshly bathed body.

It is everywhere. Beauty…often unnoticed and usually underrated. All created by the Supreme Being and for whom I give the highest credit.

Namaste

It’s the best medicine…

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laughing

Monkey thinking he is hilarious in his sister’s onesie… that’s my boy!

It should happen more often.
I need more of it in life.
I just need to make myself relax and let it happen.

LAUGHTER!!!

Yesterday, because of a pure Freudian slip that I do not wish to expand on (let’s just say it involved roosters, the BBC and falling down in the fetal position), I experienced the biggest deep down, out loud, earth-shaking laugh. It had been a while since I have one of that caliber. The feeling right after a great laugh is amazing. I swear I felt years come off right then and there…and it has to be an ab workout, RIGHT????

I have to find more to laugh about. I get so wrapped up in daily routine that I forget to just laugh.

When and what was the last time you really laughed out loud?

Shout out to my coaches

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For those of you that are blessed to have a coach in your life, this is for you.
For those that are coaches, this is a huge thank you.
For those that don’t understand the role or duty of a coach, I hope this sheds some light.

As a wife of a coach I have come to understand the reason, want and need for these men and women to get into this field. It’s not just about having a love for sports, although that helps. It’s not just about knowing the game, even though that is beneficial. It truly is about passion. Passion for the game…passion for the competition…passion for the kids. I have never seen a group of people have more love, compassion, and high expectations for kids than coaches.

Some have no idea what it takes, or what these individuals do (and sacrifice) for their profession.

~ The hours the coaches put in are crazy. They are usually the first people at school and the last to leave. Their cars are the ones up at the gym on Saturdays and Sundays. I honestly can say coaches sleep a fraction of the time they are breathing. The rest of the time, especially when in season, is spent working or thinking about work, or many times worrying about their athletes. Are they passing classes? Are they behaving? Are they staying out of trouble on the weekends?

~Coaches are a second set of parents to our young men and women. As educators and coaches, they see kids more hours during the day then the athletes’ own parents. They walk the halls making sure the kids are behaving, passing classes and maintaining that level of expectations set forth by their code of conduct.

~sacrifice. This is one thing coaches and their love owns have to accept. They sacrifice the time with their own family. Many times my husband does not see his kids to bed because of the hours he puts in. Often he gets home after dinner and has little time with them before bed. Honestly I struggle with this, but I know in my heart that what he does is making huge differences in the young men he is coaching.

I learn something new everyday from the coaches that I have in my life. I not only have a husband in the profession but some of my best friends are coaches. It’s not just the thrill of the win that makes what they do satisfying (although that is always nice). It’s more than that. Watching their athletes grow as people. Watching them understand rules, expectations and duty. Teaching them how to make sacrifices for the team. And at the end of the season looking back and seeing their own sacrifices were all worth it. Win or lose.

Jason, Michelle, Billy, Lisa, AC, Tiffany, Randy, John, Ben, Marty, Steve, Staci, Mark, and the many more that I am blessed to know…this is for you. Thank you.

Have you thanked a coach today?

Rules of parenting…whatever!

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So I am sure there are so many unwritten rules of parenting. They have been passed down through the years, generation after generation. Well…in my house, these rules are meant to be broken.

1. No throwing things in the house!!!!  I have to say that we definitely do not follow this rule. My husband and my son are constantly throwing a football or basketball. I did however draw the line at no golf clubs in the house and no punting. The rest is a free for all. One of the greatest laughs is watching Monkey go for a long pass, run it in for a touchdown, spike it and then show off his latest touchdown dance! My husband is always practicing his latest trick shot that banks off the high walls…off his head…and into the basket. Of course Monkey has to follow suit and attempt it. AND….the only person to have broken anything knock on wood, is ME!!!! I attempted one of the hubs’ trick shot and hit the lampshade….cracking it. OOPS!!!!  I did mention this all takes place in my living room right???

2. No staying up late!!! This rule has to be broken for us to have quality time together. Whoever thought working in education meant getting off at 3:30 is sadly mistaken. My schedule usually has me getting out of school on most days at 4:30 and depending on games it maybe close to 9 before I leave….at night! My hubs coaches and that is a crazy hectic schedule all in itself! The average time home is between 6 and 7pm. Buggy gets about an hour with him and it kills him. So being the awesome mom I am, Monkey gets to stay up and play with Dad. Bed time at our place is about 9. He maybe a bit cranky but being able to spend time with his dad outweighs the negatives!

3. So his socks don’t match…so what! At least he is dressed and he did it himself. I don’t think mismatched socks is the end of the world. Life goes on and he is proud of his accomplishment!

4. Yep, my kids watch TV…and OMG he watches it falling asleep  I monitor the programs my kids watch and I make sure that there is an educational purpose behind each and every one of them…but I let them watch it and I do use it as a babysitter during certain times. I am pretty sure a good dose of Wild Kratts or Special Agent Oso will not hurt while I make dinner, do the laundry or have a moment of me time!!!  AND YES!!! my son watches tv every night while he falls asleep. Hey moms…get a tv with a sleep timer on it. He has 30 mins and then lights out. I have had no issues and he knows that when show goes off…its time to go to bed, if he isn’t asleep before that.

5. Bath times don’t occur daily! I have to admit it…there have been times when I could not remember when I gave my kids a bath. I know that it had been in the past week…maybe week and a half. OOPS…what mom/dad out there has not experienced that??? If you say you haven’t QUIT  LYING!!!! As they are getting older…play harder…and eat messier food –  independently (food in hair) I have been more diligent about bath times. Let’s face it, you have worked hard, exhausted, dinner cooked, kitchen cleaned and all you want is to sit on the couch and relax….that extra 15-20 minutes of bath time is just something that can be put off until tomorrow!

Moms and dads…rules are meant to be broken!!!

Which rules are you guilty of breaking????

It’s in his blood

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Ever since the day he was born, my son has had a basketball in close proximity. As he grew he has had adjustable goals perfect for whatever stage he was in during his life.

As a coach’s son it only makes sense that he practices all the time. In fact there is at least one type of sports ball flying through my living room every night. Of course, it’s only fitting that the only one who has ever broken anything was me…go figure!!!

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This very evening, as I sit here and type, I am watching my son mimic plays his daddy shows him on the television. ESPN or FSSW is blaring on the tv and in any given minute Monkey yells ” whoa Dad, did you see that” or “yeah baby” then ball in hand, he mirrors the player’s moves and executes with perfection, this coming from his mom, yet so true!

Recently, I have signed him up for his first year in organized sports and my heart feels as if is going to burst with pride. It’s in his blood….the competition, the playing and practicing until he is past exhaustion. I see no video games in his future. He is all about the action. He is all about the feeling of a basketball or football or club in his hand.

I am ready for many years of sports. And it may be too soon to tell, but Bugs is quickly following in her brother’s footsteps!

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The beauty of the normal

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Days like today hold such a precious place in my heart. There was nothing spectacular or fancy about the days events…they were actually quite…normal. I did have the day off of work, so I was able to spend the whole day with my kids. We got up, hung out at the house for the morning then loaded up and headed to our fave chicken eatery with the indoor playground.

The older my kids get, the better they are at playing together. Monkey coaxed Bugs up the playground and then they took turns sliding down the slide. Up, down, repeat… for about an hour.

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When I suggested lunch, there was no arguing or whining. They both let me put their shoes on and we ate. When it was time to leave, there was very little whining and we left.

Nap time/quiet time went perfectly. Daddy came home and took the kids to play while I had a beautiful run in the great weather. Dinner made, ate, family time, baths and bedtime.

The reason I explained this day is because it really was not anything extravagant. There was no huge surprises nor was a ton of money spent.

We all had a very normal day but at the end I feel more blessed today than I have in a long time. I do believe that I am beginning to focus on the beauty of the normal. Everyday playing out as it should. Recognizing that a normal day can be just as special as something elaborately planned out.

Not sure what I would do without him.

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The more days, months, years that pass by; the more I realize how much I love him. He is my best friend.  Not sure what I would do without him.

There are so many times that I look at him and realize that I was made for him. He has taught me how to be a better me. He has taught me how to love and how to be loved. I realize that I am not perfect, but in his eyes, I am. Not sure what I would do without him.

He sees me for the wife, mother and woman I am and constantly tells me how he loves me. There are so many times when life is hectic and overbearing, but he makes it a point to show me that I am a top priority. I am not sure what I would do without him.

He has let me grow, make mistakes, forgives me and changes with me. He has become the most amazing father and I have fallen in love with him all over again. Not sure what I would do without him.

Some people

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There are those people that are meant to be in one’s life. The more I live, the more I realize that. God put some in my life to teach me patience.
Some are there to show me compassion.
Others just to show me love.
And then there are people that show me realness.
What I love are the ones that know how to make me laugh and love me for ME!

And the award goes to….

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ME!!!! It’s ME!!!  I won!!!

I found out that I am known as the MEANEST teacher in the high school. I can not tell you how happy that makes me.  OKAY OKAY…let me explain.

The upper classmen have told the freshmen that I am the meanest and hardest teacher…little do they know that I actually love every single one of them. I just have high expectations. Such as

NO you may not use a pencil in my class….use pen. Be confident in what you write. Make it legible and stand by it.

NO you may not say what  and yeah in my class…you may say excuse me  and yes ma’am. get use to being polite. It is what society expects.

NO you may not say ugly words in my class such as suck, hate, shut up…I loathe those words…increase your vocabulary.

NO I do not allow you to sleep in my class…what I am saying is important and rudeness is not tolerated.

YES you may have snacks in my room…I understand that you are growing teenagers and I have no idea if you ate dinner last night or breakfast this morning…just clean up after yourself…and try and make it a healthy snack!

YES I understand that you also have a life and responsibilities outside of Room 102…talk to me, I am human and I understand that you may not have finished your homework last night because you had to babysit…AGAIN.

YES I care about you…I want you to succeed and become a contributing member to society.

Little so they know that I do care and all of my meanness will be understood later in life.

Thankful Thursday ~ L.O.V.E.

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There is a big joke in my family. Ammie LOVES everything. My brother-in-law always teases me; if I am really excited about something, the words you will LOVE it always passes my lips. But the truth is…I DO LOVE … A LOT!

L – Laughter – The laughter in my world is amazing. My laughter, my kids, my friends and my family. I have one of those laughs that is loud and deep in my belly. It feels good to laugh so hard that tears stream down my face.  My kids and their antics are hilarious. The words that come out of my son’s mouth are classic. I REALLY should keep a journal of his new sayings! Life is meant to be loved.

O – Observation – Just being still and observing life and the love that is all around. One of my intentions nearly everyday is to just be still and observe. Life is meant to be loved.

V – Vivacious – I love being lively in spirit. It is very rarely that I get and stay in a bad mood. I am human, I get upset, but I get over it. There is only a  certain number of minutes in my life that I get to spend with my friends and family. It would not be fair to my children and my husband if I were to be in a foul mood the majority of the time. I PREFER to see the glass as half full all the time! Life is meant to be loved!

E – Espresso – hahaha….coffee, along with the other fine things in life is supposed to be enjoyed. I tried to give it up…then I asked myself WHY???? Why would I deprive myself of the riches of coffee, or wine, or delicious food smothered in butter???? I have learned the importance of quanitity….not deprivation. Life is meant to be loved.

Love what you see. Love who you are. Love those around you.

~Namaste~

What is it about life that you truly love?

It’s hard to deny.

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Every morning on the way to work, I travel east on a country road just as the sun is making its way up. As I drive in the direction of the approaching light, I find myself admiring the beauty of the morning. The orange and red ball, signifying the beginning of a new day, nearly takes my breath away every morning.

As I near the interstate, I pass a pasture that is home to a beautiful spotted horse and her new colt. They are never separated. It is amazing to watch the growth of the colt and the bond these animals have.

As I experience the rising sun, the morning dew on the trees, and the bond of creatures, I can’t help think to myself….how can one deny the existence of a creator? He is prevalent in life.

My intention for my day is to experience and notice what He has created and be thankful for such beauty that life has to offer.

Pure innocence…

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That is all it is. When I watch my kids at play…I am constantly seeing their innocence and curiosity at its best.

The things we take in life for granted, my son sees as the “coolest” thing ever. I get excited just watching him.

When I make his favorite dinner or his friends come over and play, he is on Cloud 9.

When my daughter sees her sippy cup full of almond milk, she is thrilled.
When a good song comes on, both my kids are bopping around the living room.

I miss that innocence in myself. I try to being it back and then life just gets chaotic and crazy and ZOOM…the fun and innocence are gone again.

I have a few weeks left of my summer vacation. My goal…my mission…is to bring back the fun and innocence.

Be silly and not care.

Dance around the living room.

Ask why things happen…just like my son does 1 million times a day!

I teach kids all the time. It is now time to have my kids teach me something or two about life.

You never know when….

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As I was running my errands today, I drove past the local Catholic Church. There had to be over 200 cars parked in the lot and overflowing into the street. I noticed a hearse and knew this was the mourning of a life lost. I took notice of the attendants. The majority of the people waiting in line to enter the building were under 18. My heart sunk. It had to be a young life that was struck short. All at once, thoughts started flooding my mind. Life is so unpredictable. One moment all is good, the next could be drastically different. It seems so cliche but so true…live each day as if it’s your last.
– Don’t hesitate telling someone you love them.
– have fun and enjoy it…no regrets
– Step outside your comfort zone…just try it!
– check off stuff on your bucket list…if you don’t have one…make one!
– laugh out loud…don’t hold it back!
– squeeze your kids extra tight
– call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while
– be still…be quiet…and just listen

Life is precious. Enjoy, cherish and appreciate every minute.

Happy Father’s Day

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Happy Father’s Day to not only a wonderful husband, but an amazing father and companion. Jason Hill, if you have not had the pleasure of meeting, is the nicest, kindest, loving person that I have ever known. After Jason and I had our babies, he changed. I didn’t think that this loving man could be anymore compassionate, but he is.

What is so awesome is that we have 2 children, yet he has hundreds of other children. Yikes…you may say, but Jason has been a coach and father figure to his athletes for the past 13 years. The differences he has made in their lives is unimaginable. I had an adjustment period that I experienced when I became a coach’s wife. Long nights, early mornings, occupied mind….but to know the difference he is making and to see the values and lessons he teaches these young men, it’s truly a beautiful thing.

Many do not see or may not know what all it takes to be in a coaching life…I can’t begin to explain it. Just know that God knew what He was doing when He made Jason Hill into Coach Hill. I and my children are better off because of it.

I would love to hear the impact or difference he has made in your life.

We love you Daddy!!!

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The power of touch

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A hug, a squeeze on the shoulder, the depth of a massage, the firm grip of a handshake. All of these have the commonality of touch. It wasn’t until recently that I realized how so very important touch is.

It was at the beginning of my massage today, Jenna, the massage therapist, came in and as she began she did something very simple, she placed her hands on my head and they just stayed there for a bit. It was as if I was instantly relaxed. Stress left my body and I was ready for the actual massage. I don’t know a lot about the art of massage but I do know that whatever she did was beautiful. A feeling that is hard to describe.

I always said that sight was my favorite of the five senses. After today, I would say that touch is definitely number 1.

What ways can you, in your everyday routine, enjoy the beauty of touch?

Fifty Shades of other stuff

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It’s back!!!!! My modem arrived and my Wifi is back up and surging again….very similar to my uhhhh…imagination.

Since I have had to acknowledge my hiatus from True Blood I have been spending all some of my time reading the elusive new book series, Fifty Shades. Let’s just say its been leisure time well spent..double wink!

Other than that, my summer vaca has not been overly exciting. Spending time with the kids is amazing, when they aren’t yelling at each other or crying! Poor guy-the hubs-he works so much during the first part of the summer.

So now the wifi is working, boys are out on the course, sister is down….time for Bill, Sookie and Eric!!! Bye for now

Amazing words…

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Indiscriminate Act of Kindness

Foy Vance

(don’t read too much into it…just enjoy)

She came from the cold wet
Dropped her luggage bags
Looked the concierge in the eye
Said, “I need a room for the night,
But I don’t got no money.
Would you take payment of any kind?”He said, “It’s alright
I got a room here, you can share mine.
Make the bed in the morning and that’ll do fine.
You can change in the bathroom,
Hang your clothes on the line.”
A tear came to her eye
She thought how could he be so kind
How could he be so kind (x2)

She sat down on the bed with a needle
He said, “I’d hate to see you bleed,
Just fetch a warm towel,
I’ll sit with you til you’re dry.”
She started to cry
Said, “Why? why? why? why? why? why?”

Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.
(x3)

She was cold turkey
He was holding her hand
She said, “I was ruined by man,
This was never in my plans.
I dreamed of men who loved me,
Together we’d see the world.
Somehow I lost myself among the insults they hurled.”

“I’m sure your a wonderful woman,
And someday there will surely be someone.
So just relax now, it’s important that you’re calm.”

She said, “How is it you can see past me as I am?”

Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.
(x3)

“When you took your chances,
It was like you placed a bet.
And sometimes this is the reward you can get.
I was always taught
If you see someone defiled,
You should look them in the eyes and smile,
And take their heart, no better yet
Take them home, home, home.”

She awoke early in the morning
Made the bed, gathered up her clothes to leave
Saw the concierge curled on the settee
Said, “What you did for me was hard for me to believe.”

“I was just doing what was right.
No one that knows love could leave you out there on such a night.
If you can help someone,
Bare this in mind
And consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.”

Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.
(x7)

 

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/indiscriminate_act_of_kindness_lyrics_foy_vance.html
All about Foy Vance: http://www.musictory.com/music/Foy+Vance

Beautiful things are all around.

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Lately I have been trying my best to sit back and just observe life that is all around me. It is so easy to see the bad and negative, the hard part is seeing the beautiful things in life. There are so many beautiful things  and noticing them is what I have decided to do. Here are a few that make my heart full.

  • sun rises….at first I thought “how cliché” but they truly are beautiful. I feel that they symbolize a new start.  If the day/night before was not so good, the rise of the morning sun is a new start…a new beginning
  • my husband’s passion for life
  • my son’s excitement over the “normal” stuff we as adults take for granted
  • the look on my daughter’s face when she sees me first thing in the morning…that is unconditional true love
  • great discussion with amazing friends…and wine!
  • my mother
  • when the perfect song comes on at the right moment…a soundtrack to life
  • my sister in law’s heart. She is one of the strongest most beautiful souls I have ever met
  • savasana…my most favorite and needed pose

What are the beautiful things that surround you?

Imperfect really is perfect

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Every morning I wake up, go to the bathroom and trudge to the scales. I patiently await the numbers to see what it will tell me today:
– hey lady…that extra serving of _____ has left you with a few extras ounces/pounds
– the past weekend indulgences will take a couple days to disappear

Moving off the scale, I head to the kitchen to make a much needed cup of morning coffee.

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In front of the bathroom mirror I inspect myself. I, honestly, weigh about the same (some days less) than I did before Ladybug but it is in all different places. When will this extra skin go away? Is it possible to move the excess from my thighs farther north? (if you know what I mean)
It wasn’t really until today…right at this moment… that I realized I am the way I am now because of the two amazing beings that are playing together as I type. It is because I was given the gift of motherhood that my “imperfections” really are perfections.

Now don’t mistake this for an excuse to not continue to improve my health and well being BUT I think that I just may give my exhausted scale some time off for a bit.

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Just when I thought it was about to hit the fan..

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Here they come! Those tried and true. Everyone has them. Those elite people that know everything about you…I mean everything. They are the ones that you would trust your life with. They are the ones no matter what has happened they are going to be honest and unbiased yet preserve your relationship.
There are people in my life that are superficial and pretend to be good friends…I still value their company…but they aren’t the ones that you know deep down will come rescue you when you are in a heap of trouble.
As I grow and discover more of myself…I learn to keep the nonjudgmentals closer. They may not be like me. They may have different beliefs than me, but I know that I can be myself around them…even if we don’t talk all the time. And for that…I love them dearly!!!

Pardon me Ferber…but screw you!

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Sorry, I had to get that out. I feel much better!

The past few neverending nights, have been quite difficult for Ladybug and myself. Well, actually its been nearly six months since I had a full 8+ hours of sleep; but these past few weeks have been extra hard. She keeps waking up 2-3 times. I am sure that it is because she is teething, but when she sees me, she equates that with feeding time. I have decided that it is time to work on sleeping the full night (Monkey slept through the night at 3 months!)

That brings me to Ferber. The Ferber Method is for baby training  ie..they til they fall asleep. Let me tell you that this is the hardest thing I have EVER done.

Last night, I told myself that I would not get go to her room. This was going to be the night that she would put herself back to sleep. At 12:36 AM, the crying began:

I turned off the monitor and closed my eyes, she was going to cry for a little bit, I told myself, then fall back asleep. 12:28 AM (the longest 2 minutes), I turned on the TV to drown her out. Its amazing how well a mother can hear her child crying, nothing was masking the sounds.

Finally, at 12:44 AM, I threw back the covers, muttered to hubs that he needed to schedule HIS operation with the doctor because I was done having kids, and then I proceeded upstairs…bottle in hand. As soon as the ladybug saw me, a smile was plastered on her face.

It was then that I decided that I need to just get used to little sleep, because there is no way that I am letting my precious buggy cry like that another night.

Thankful Thursday

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I asked my kiddos in class today what they are thankful for and the answers were interesting. You would think that most 10 year-olds would say money or presents, but most of them said family or the roof over their heads and some even said Mrs. Hill (my heart fluttered.) Got me thinking…what is it that I am thankful for today?

I am most thankful for…well…everything in my life right now. I have such an awesome family that helps me out more than I could ever repay them for. I have a great husband who gets me. and my kids….wow they are just freaking amazing. I watch them sleep or watch them partake in normal activities and I just want to squeeze them.  They are so beautiful and perfect. Makes me think…how do parents just walk away from their children…or hurt them, physically or emotionally. I just can’t even fathom that.

What is it that you are thankful for today?

Dare I say, what’s next?

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As I finished my last test for my Masters degree on Saturday…an 8 hour one at that, I sat at the computer and exhaled very loudly. I was done! I sat back, opened a cold beer to celebrate and thought about all that I had done in the past 3 years. It was at that point that I realized, I AM TIRED! Not just tired from sitting at a computer screen, but physically and mentally tired from my activities for the past 3 years. Some one asked me….how have you balanced everything? The term “everything” is being used to include 2 pregnancies, 2 babies, being a wife of a coach,a full-time teacher with several sponsorships at the high school level, AND graduate school. With that, I bring you this blog explaining how I have attempted to make like work for the past 3 years. Disclaimer – I am not an expert on balancing life…this is just how it worked out for me.

FAITH!!! Without faith in my God and myself, there is no way I could have made it. There were so many times that I would sit at my computer and just cry, knowing that I had a paper or project due and I was completely exhausted from being up with one or both of the kids. I prayed a lot for serenity and patience…and I made it.

FAMILY!!! I am not sure I would have been able to accomplish even a fraction of what I have if it were not for my family…more specifially my mom and my husband. So many times I had classes or duties on Saturdays or in the evenings and not once did my mother hesitate taking my babies. She is a God-send and I am so blessed to have her in my life (ok…mom, I know that you are tearing up now but you have to stop so that you can read the rest!) My husband – he helped all that he could with the kids, but his schedule is so demanding that it was not always possible. The amazing ways he helped me keep my sanity was by taking me out for date nights, or surprising me with spa days, and more importantly…keeping me stocked with my favorite wine so I could unwind at the end of the day. He will never know the extent to which I love and appreciate him.

FRIENDS!!! Without the occasional girls night, or even just a rant fest on the phone, I would have gone insane. I have a great core group of girls. We may not see or talk to each other on a daily basis, but I know that they are there when I need them. All have taken a turn watching my kids or running an errand for me. We all love each other and I am complete because of them!

AND OF COURSE WINE!!! It sounds funny, but so true. There were so many nights were I would be worried or wired from endless hours of homework, job duties or just everyday events, that I NEEDED to enjoy a nice glass of wine to relax. Some of my favorite nights included putting the kids down for bed and sitting on the couch with the hubs and a glass of wine…just talking. So relaxing and romantic!

Now that my chaotic 3 years are coming to a close…culminating on Dec 17th as I cross the stage, I sit here and ponder the question “What do I do now?” I am so used to the hustle and bustle that I am afraid that I will get bored. I have decided that it is time to start back up on NormalGirlArt, write A LOT, read lots of books for fun, and maybe have another kid. 🙂 we shall see.

I definitely felt the love today.

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Last Friday I found out that I passed my principal exam. I opened the email in my classroom and jumped and shouted for joy when I saw the word “PASS”. My 5th graders were super stoked for me. I guess they were more excited than I thought because I came back from lunch today to a surprise “Congrats” party in my honor. They had contacted the hubs to take me to lunch while they decorated my room.

Bought me a cake:

 

 

Gave me a massage

 

And even made shirts in my honor.

 

How sweet are they???!!!???? I definitely felt the love today.

As it comes to a close

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It is 6am, I am starting the “wake up like you are going to work” phase. I should have started this feat a week ago. I kept justifying it with….but I was up with the baby. I realized this morning -she aint gonna start sleeping through the night by next week. So here I am, baby fed, coffee made, almost awake!

This summer has been so great. I have learned several things about being a stay at home mom of two this summer.

  1. I get to interact with my kiddos on various levels. – Jax enjoys watching a trillion episodes of Backyardigans everyday and Maddox enjoys being connected to the boob all day!
  2. It has been so ridiculously hot outside…therefore we play outside from 730 to 900am…if you are my neighbor and we have woken you up…Sorry but I have to get my kid some outside time and fresh air sometime during the day before he melts from the intense heat. Jax could go outside and play in the 100+ degree weather all day, but momma can’t.
  3. Just when you are ready to get a project started or just sit down to breath….either the baby starts crying for food or diaper change OR your two-year has an upset stomach and vomits hour digested milk all over you and the floor —> BTW this event will guarantee the baby to cry and want your undivided attention.
  4. I have NO me time. How do stay at home moms find time to do anything? Everyone keeps telling me “sleep when the baby sleeps” UMMM yeah right, these people do not realize that an active toddler doesn’t sleep that much. When I finally get Jax down, I have to do laundry, sweep, mom, shower, dishes, my homework. Just as I relax and close my eyes, the baby is up and ready to eat. Ok, baby fed and down…commence relaxation time….nope, Jax is up. Oh well, I can function on very little sleep. This is when I got creative. “oh honey you want to watch Backyardagians for the 1,345,745 time today, no problem….come lay on the couch with mommy and cuddle” (and that is when I sleep for approximately 26 minutes until I am woken up with fingers in my eyes telling me that his “TD show is over”
  5. Just because I yell louder doesn’t necessarily mean that my toddler will listen…however if I pick up my flip-flop, I have his undivided attention! I promise the flip-flop has not made connection with his buns that many times but he gets it now….”it” being, mommy aint playing anymore.
  6. I can have an entire conversation with the moose and ostrich that live in my entry hall. We talk to them everyday. They are our friends, and thank goodness mommy doesn’t have to clean up after them too.
  7. I have become creative in answering the question ‘why?’
  8. Potty training should not be pushed when there is a new-born in the house. I know that my child will not attend kindergarten in diapers, therefore, we will not force the issue with “big boy” undies that he can pee right out of—> another event that will guarantee the baby to start crying and want your undivided attention
  9. When the hubs works all day and comes home to say he’s had a long day and needs to relax —> sorry bubs you have just entered Chaotic town and I am taking a vacation in the form of a shower…by myself, no 2-year-old with toys in tow….and it might just take me 20-30 minutes. Welcome home honey!!!
  10. At the end of the day when all are ready to crash, there is nothing sweeter than a 2-year-old saying his prayers…God bless mommy…and then he includes everyone else, including the Backyardignins.

I absolutely adore my children. They are my world, along with the hubs of course…his antics are a whole other blog. 🙂 The most important lesson I learned this summer is that I was not built to be a stay at home mom. I give kudos to those women who can do it! I do believe that it is the most underpaid job in the world.  I am a working mom who misses her children dearly during the day and can’t wait to rush home to see them…all the while keeping my sanity by not being a stay at home mom.

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”

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Every girl needs it! One has a difficult time surviving without it. I for one love it –> true friendship.

What I love about my chicas is that we do not have to talk EVERY single day to know that we love one another dearly. I sometimes go weeks without talking to one or more of them, and it is quite alright. We all know that each other is crazy busy with husbands, kids, work, life, etc…. I would like to dedicate this post to the wonderful ladies that are in my life!

Courtney –> there are not enough words to describe Courtney and my relationship. We have known each other since birth and we complete each other. She is not only my cousin but my best friend in the whole entire world. She and I have a great time no matter where we are or who we are with. We could write a book about our experiences and Lord knows about our crazy family! I hope that everyone has a Courtney in their life. I can call her whenever just to rant, rave or boast. She listens and gives good sound advice that always seems like the right answer!

Cara –> She is my crazy friend who has the greatest sense of humor and knows how to have fun in any situation. Oh, how I miss her. Just as our relationship was growing, she and her family had to move due to a career change. This is the lady that, we can go weeks without talking and pick up like not a day has gone by. I admire her faith and dedication to her family. God knew what He was doing when he made Cara….what an amazing heart! I love her dearly.

Becky–> she is the person whose strength and courage I admire the most. No one truly knows everything that this lady has gone through or is going through. In the past 4+ years, Becky and I have been through thick and thin and through the grace of God, we have become true friends. She will always have a special place in my heart.

Mikala – my amazing sister-in-law who has a heart of gold and a personality that is spunky. She is such an amazing person. I wish I had a percentage of her wit. I don’t think I have ever met a person as witty as my SIL. Along with wit, she is a true family member. IF there were anytime, any of her family members needed anything, Mikala would be there. When I married my hubs, I had no idea that I would also be marrying into a great friendship.

Michelle – I don’t know how this lady does it all, but I sure admire her for it. She is not only an awesome friend, but a wife, mom of two, teacher, coach, high school and her kids teams….I could go on all night. In the 7 years we have been friends, I have rarely seen her frazzled. She has life under control…or she hides it well! She is the person that can relate to my soft side and I can cry with; many times over something quite silly. I will always cherish her kind heart and silly personality.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think God for my friends. I wish there were more hours in the day, so that I coulc experience them daily, but I have faith that they know they are all loved by me. I pray that you reading this has been blessed with at least one Courtney, Cara, Becky, Mikala or Michelle in your life. I am not sure what I have done to be so lucky to have all five.

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”
– John Lennon

My life has changed….

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Two years ago I woke up in a hospital bed at 1:30am knowing that today was going to be the day that I would become a mom. I was never scared of labor or delivery…I was terrified of what kind of mother I was going to me. Would I make the right choices? How do I know what is right? Will he know how much I love him? Will he love me as much? After much walking, rocking, and pushing…14 hours to be exact…Jaxon Wesley Hill came into this world with 10 beautful toes and 10 beautiful fingers. I have not been the same person since.

It amazes me everyday how much I change because of him. I have learned patience, unconditional love and the miracle of God. What a blessing!!!! I now know that with his father and I, through God, Jaxon will never know what it feels like to be unloved. I am not sure what I was before, but I take great pride in knowing that I am now MOM.

With Maddox on the way; I feel extra blessed. He has given me the opportunity to spread His love to my children and teach them how to be productive citizens of this earth and follow the golden rule.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAXON!!!!!!!!!